The Thieving Bride
by The Sacred and Profane
Summary: It's the Princess Bride with One Piece characters. Nami loves the farm boy Usopp but when he is supposedly killed by the Dread Pirate Sogeking, what will she do? Please R&R.
1. Chapter 1

The Thieving Bride

AN: I own nothing in this story. Please R&R.

Once upon a time, well let's just say it was a long time ago; there lived a beautiful young girl with hair the color of the tangerine groves she grew on her farm. She only had one other worker helping her with this endeavor, a young man with black curly hair and a long nose. This young girl, Nami, loved to tease the farm boy and make him do all kinds of chores but he always replied in the same way.

"As you wish." One day she realized that every time he was saying as you wish, he was really saying "I love you." And, she also realized, loved him too.

"Farm boy, come here." The boy made his way towards her and waited for her order.

"I would like it if you kissed me."

"As you wish." After a few glorious months filled with sunshine and laughter the farm boy decided to leave and make his fortune out on the seas as a merchant. Nami of course did not want him to leave but he was adamant.

"Usopp, what if something happens to you on your journey? What if you die?" Nami said, hugging onto her lover tightly. Usopp reached out a hand and stroked her cheek.

"Nothing will happen to me and I will come back for you, I swear it. This is true love. Do you think this sort of thing happens everyday?" After that the young man left and Nami waited for the day he would come back. But not a year had passed when she heard that Usopp had been killed by the Dread Pirate Sogeking, the most notorious pirate of all. Her heart died that day and it was after this that she was noticed by the Prince of the kingdom, Sanji. He tried again and again to woo her and Nami finally relented one spring day. The news was quickly spread thoughout the kingdom and the Prince was very happy. However the gossip around the capital said that the young woman never smiled and would always look out towards the coast, hoping her love would come back.

Amid these events, it happened one day that Nami decided to take a carriage towards the neighboring country of Gilder when halfway towards her destination, her carriage stopped. Three men were standing in the middle of the road. One had green hair and three swords strapped to his waist while another was a muscular and tall man with blue hair and strange glasses on. The last man appeared to be the leader. He had slicked his black hair back and he had bifocals on which he continually adjusted with his hands. It was this man who addressed Nami.

"Good evening princess, would you be so kind as to travel with three roving performers such as ourselves?"

"No, now please stand aside." At a nod from the leader, the other two men quickly came forward and grabbed her roughly, the giant man knocking the driver of the carriage out.

"Zoro, Franky, hurry up with the woman! We have to leave quickly before the prince discovers her missing."

"Alright Kuro, don't be so damn loud." Zoro said in a harsh voice. Taking their hostage, the group came to an inlet where a tiny boat was docked. Shoving Nami in, the bandits then cast off. After traveling for an hour, Franky spotted another boat trailing behind them, its single occupant a man in black.

"Boss, there's someone following us." Kuro quickly glanced behind him.

"Inconceivable. He's probably just some fisherman out for his daily catch." A few hours later, night had fallen and Nami had decided on a course of action. Quickly she bolted over the side of the boat and into the ocean. As soon as she touched the icy cold water a howling sound arose that chilled her blood. Kuro's voice called out to her from the boat. "Do you know what that sound is, Princess? That's the sound of the screaming eels and there's nothing they like more than human flesh." A long shape then cut through the water coming towards Nami. The eel's head appeared and it's maw opened wide, revealing row upon row of fangs. Just before they could rend her flesh, Franky pulled her back into the boat. Looking behind him, he saw the lone man in black was still on their tail.

"That man is still following us." At this Kuro flew into a rage.

"Inconceivable! Never mind, we're almost to the Cliffs of Insanity, we'll set a trap for him there."


	2. Chapter 2

Three Tasks

AN: I own nothing in this story. Please R&R.

Reaching the Cliffs of Insanity, Kuro and Zoro started climbing the rope they had prepared earlier. Franky followed after them, Nami strapped to his broad back. About halfway up, Zoro looked down. The man in black was just starting to climb after them. When all three men reached the top, Kuro cut the rope. Taking a look down he noticed the man in black was still holding onto some cracks he had found in the side of the cliff.

"What he didn't fall? Inconceivable!"

"Why do you keep using that word? I don't think it means what you think it means." Zoro commented. Kuro turned on him and got in his face.

"And remember where you were when I found you? You were so drunk you couldn't even order more rum! Now stay here and deal with this man if he climbs up, understand?" Zoro nodded and Kuro grabbed Nami while Franky followed after them. Zoro practiced some swings with his swords and then looked down again.

"It seems like I shall die of boredom before you ever reach the top but since I am waiting to kill you that would help your cause." He called out.

"That does put a damper on our relationship. Look this isn't as easy as it looks." The man retorted.

"I could throw some rope down for you."

"How do I know you won't cut it again?"

"I swear by my father's name you shall reach the top alive."

"Throw me the rope." A few minutes later the man in black made it to the top. He was lithe and had his face covered in a black bandanna. A long sword was girt to his side and he took it out. "Are you ready?"

"You seem a decent fellow, I hate to kill you." Zoro drew one of his blades and swung a blow towards the man in black, who quickly blocked it.

"You seem a decent fellow, I hate to die." Back and forth they fought until Zoro smirked at him.

"I know something you don't know."

"Oh really, and what is that?"

"I use more than one sword." Then he drew a second blade and the man in black was pressed to parry as quickly as he could. Zoro then drew his third sword and put it in his mouth.

"Now that is just ridiculous but since we're sharing, I'm not left handed." He then switched his sword to his right hand and quickly disarmed Zoro. "I do admire a man who is skilled as you are my friend. What are you doing working for a dishonorable rogue?"

"First I must ask you, you wouldn't by chance happen to have six fingers on your right hand?" The man in black quickly pulled off his glove and showed him his five digits. "Okay, my father was once the greatest sword smith in all of Spain. One day a man with six fingers on his left hand and piercing eyes like a hawk asked my father to make the greatest sword in the world, which he did. But when my father refused to sell it to him the man slew my father. Since then I have been training to kill this hawk eyed man."

"Your story has touched my heart so I won't kill you. However I can't have you following me either." Then the man in black knocked Zoro out with the hilt of his sword and ran on.

* * *

Coming to an open space with large boulders, the man in black looked around. Suddenly a rock came towards his head. Ducking quickly, he managed to avoid serious injury. Looking around he spotted the blue haired giant, Franky.

"I could have killed you earlier but that's not sportsmanlike."

"I commend you honor. You won't just let me pass will you?" Franky shook his head. Removing his sword, the man in black then punched out with his fist and scored a direct hit but Franky didn't seem affected at all. Quickly grabbing the man in black with his huge arms, he started squeezing. Reaching out with his hands as far as he could, the man in black grabbed two rocks and pounded them on either side of Franky's face. Pretty soon, he felt the vice like grip ease and he got out of Franky's grasp. Finishing him off with a quick rock assisted punch to the face, the man in black ran on.

Eventually the man in black came to the object of his pursuit. Nami was blindfolded and bound by rope with a knife held to her neck held by Kuro. The leader of the bandits smiled at his pursuer. Kuro was seated at a makeshift table with a bottle of wine before him.

"It seems you've defeated my swordsman so you have skill but you've also bested my giant which means you're strong but I'm smarter than you."

"Go on."

"Have you ever heard of Plato? Aristotle?" The man in black nodded. "Morons."

"My I suggest a wager then?"

"By all means." The man in black then produced a packet of white substance from his pocket.

"Iocaine powder one of the deadlier poisons known to man. Pour that wine into two cups." Kuro did as asked and gave the goblets to the man in black. Kuro looked amused as the man in black placed one of the goblets in front of himself and the other in front of Kuro.

"The answers so obvious. You put the poisoned goblet in front of yourself."

"Really?"

"Of course. Because you would know that I would know that you would never set the poisoned goblet in front of me. You've just committed one of the three great blunders! The first is never get involved in a land war in Asia but the second and not as well known blunder is to never match wits with a Sicilian in a battle to the death! My Lord what's that?" Kuro pointed behind the man in black. Looking behind him, the man in black didn't notice Kuro switching the position of their goblets. "Must have been my imagination, bottoms up." Both men then drank their wine and pretty soon Kuro slumped over, dead. The man in black then undid the bounds that held Nami as well as her blindfold.

"Which one was poisoned?" She asked.

"They both were. I've developed immunity to iocaine over the years." The man in black then glanced at Nami up and down. "I must say you are very beautiful princess."

"I don't need to be complimented by vermin like you!" She yelled back.

"And how do you know who I am?"

"Everyone knows that the dread pirate Sogeking dresses in black."

"I must say my reputation has indeed preceded me. But why do you hate me so?"

"You killed the only man I ever loved."

"Obviously not the only man as you are about to be married." Nami then came up and slapped him across the face. Then she left in a hurry with the man in black following behind. "What was he like, this man I killed? Was he a soldier?"

"No, he was a farm boy, pure and innocent with the darkest eyes."

"It seems that you were less than faithful to him then. How long did you wait until you accepted the prince's hand in marriage? Two months? Or was it only one?" Nami whirled around and punched him in the face. Grabbing him by the shirt she then sent him rolling down a steep cliff.

"I want you to die!" She screamed after him. Even though he was rolling, she could make out his response.

"As you wish!" She then realized who the man in black really was.

"Usopp!" She then threw herself after him and eventually they ended up flung together. Both were breathing hard but Nami quickly took off the mask Usopp wore and looked into her one true love's face again. She started kissing him all over his face and he returned the kisses with equal passion. "Where…have…you been?" Nami said, kissing him even as she asked the question.

"No questions for the moment love. Let me just hold you. It's been far too long." Nami then snuggled into his chest and sighed in contentment.


	3. Chapter 3

Mostly Dead

AN: I own nothing in this story. Please R&R.

After enjoying the taste of each other's lips multiple times, Usopp finally stood up.

"We had better leave." He gently helped Nami to her feet.

"Where will we go?"

"My ship is waiting for us off the coast, so it seems we'll have to cut through this forest."

"So what exactly happened while you were out at sea?" Nami asked.

"The crew of the merchant ship I was with were all killed and I was dragged before the Dread Pirate Sogeking. He asked me to give him a reason to spare my life."

"What was your reason?"

"True love, I said. And so he spared my life and after working with him for some time, he took me into his confidence. He revealed to me that there have been multiple Dread Pirate Sogeking's and that he was the 5th to wear the mask. He was about ready to retire and gave me everything I would need to carry out the role. But I think my days of pretend pirating are over."

* * *

Prince Sanji squatted down and scanned the footprints in the sand. His blond hair blew in the wind and he turned towards his advisor, who was sitting on a horse. As soon as he had heard that his beloved Nami had been kidnapped, the Prince rode out to find her and had tracked the bandit's path to the Cliff's of Insanity.

"There was a great battle here. The victor ran off but left the loser alive. Most curious, don't you agree Mihawk?" The rider's hawk like eyes flashed and he grinned.

"Oh yes sire. Where do you suppose the winner is now?" His right hand clenched, the six digits holding the reins tightly.

"Since I am never wrong, the winner went east. If she is harmed when I find her, death will be the least of the winner's problems." Giving a signal to his men to follow, Sanji rode off to the east as fast as he could.

* * *

Usopp cleared another branch away and he led Nami carefully through the forest.

"Usopp, isn't this the forest with the ROUS's?"

"The Rodent's of Unusual Size? I don't think they exist." Just as he was finished talking a rat the size of a grizzly bear pounced on Usopp. Its teeth were very sharp and they nearly ripped open his jugular. Reaching a hand towards his sword, Usopp was about to reach it when the creature lashed out with its tail. Dizzied by the blow, Usopp was about to be bitten when Nami struck out with a branch she had found. Now it was the giant rat's turn to be dizzy. Before it could recover Usopp sliced its head off with his blade.

"Thanks love. Remind me never to say ROUS's don't exist." Nami helped him to his feet and they were about to continue forward when the sound of hoof beats reached their ears. Pretty soon the two young lovers were surrounded by horsemen with crossbows notched and ready to fire. Some of the circle of men broke apart and Prince Sanji rode up. He signaled the men to lower their weapons.

"My dearest Nami, I've found you. Don't worry I'll take you back to the castle and we'll be married shortly."

"I won't go with you!" Sanji's eyes went wide but then he noticed Usopp.

"Has this rogue bewitched you? Yes that must be it! His death will free you from his spell." Nami looked at Usopp and touched his cheek. Usopp nodded and Nami approached Sanji.

"Spare his life and I'll marry you."

"Very well, but I want this man arrested. Mihawk, be sure he receives your excellent treatment." Sanji then helped Nami up to his saddle and then they rode away. Mihawk approached Usopp and knocked him out with a blow to the head.

* * *

Opening his eyes, Usopp saw nothing but darkness.

"Where am I?" He cried out.

"You're in my private studio. I love to test my ingenuity here and you're a fine subject." Mihawk's cold voice rang out. "This particular machine you're in causes the most exquisite pain. Most die at its lowest setting but for you I'll push it to its limit." Pulling the lever beside him all the way down, he watched with glee as the machine started whirring. Sparks flew and Usopp felt the most excruciating pain he had ever felt. It felt as if millions of needles were being driven into every inch of his body. Leaving the room, Mihawk took a glance back at his newest victim. "Enjoy your stay."

* * *

Outside the bar in the capital city a heavily muscled bouncer threw a man out into the street, followed two seconds later by his enormous companion. The larger of the two men helped the other to his feet.

"Zoro what are we doing here?" Franky asked.

"We're going to find the man in black and he's going to help us get into the castle. The man with six fingers is in there, I can feel it." Screams rang out into the night. Franky went towards the sound of the screams, helping Zoro along until the Spanish swordsman had regained a little of his sobriety. The source of the screams was coming from a heavily padlocked door beside the castle. Zoro looked at Franky and the giant nodded. With one great heave the door was shoved in and the two friends went into the room. Zoro spotted Usopp lashed to the machine and Franky quickly broke it. The two friends helped Usopp up and left the torture chamber.

"Where are we going now?" Franky asked Zoro.

"I know a doctor. I think he'll be able to help." About half an hour later the two men were at the outskirts of the capital and in front of a rundown shack.

"Some place this doctors got." Franky remarked. At that the door opened and a little reindeer poked its head out.

"What the hell do you want at this time of night?" Franky scratched his head.

"Are you a doctor?"

"Oh so just because I look like an animal means I'm not a doctor? Listen ugly when you mess up an experiment and look like a kid's stuffed animal you can come judge me but until then shut your pie hole!" A woman started yelling in the back of the house.

"Who is it Chopper?"

"It's a patient, so hurry up and prepare the bed!" Zoro and Franky went in, carrying Usopp with them. Gently lowering the long nosed young man onto the bed, Chopper then took out a stethoscope and examined him. "Well he's very lucky. He's only mostly dead."

"Mostly dead?" Franky asked.

"Yeah and unfortunately for you two the medicine to cure his condition is very expensive! What was this guy injured for anyway?"

"True love." Zoro answered. Just then another person entered the room. She was dressed in a white nurse's outfit and her blue eyes sparkled at Zoro's words.

"Oh true love! Isn't that romantic Chopper?"

"Be quiet witch!"

"I'm not a witch I'm your wife!" She then turned towards Zoro. "I'm Robin and don't mind Chopper. He's just a stingy old coot. We'll help this young man but what do you plan to do?"

"Storm the castle and rescue the girl." At that Chopper's ears pricked up.

"You mean you'll make that brat Sanji suffer? Okay new deal. I'll give you the medicine for free just make sure Sanji is really hurt, okay?" Zoro and Franky nodded. Chopper then went to a small table in the back of the room and took a tiny pill out. Prying open Usopp's mouth he shoved the pill in and gave some water for Usopp to drink. Once the pill was down his throat Usopp's eyes opened. Zoro and Franky then lifted him from the bed and towards the door.

"Thanks for your help Dr. Chopper." Robin and Chopper waved after them.

"No problem. Good luck storming the castle!"


End file.
